I have been slowly working my way through a book called the Artist's Way, which I highly recommend even if you don't particularly label yourself as a creative! I'm currently up to Week 4 and each week, Julia Cameron, provides tasks for you to complete to nurture your inner artist as you go along. This particular week involves a task called reading deprivation, which not only involves depriving yourself of reading books, magazines, newspaper articles but also depriving yourself of any activity you use to numb yourself out, sitting with heavy emotions or avoiding being creative including TV bingeing, food or alcohol bingeing, basically anything in excess.
Initially, I thought to myself, "Well, this can't be too bad!" I don't consider myself to have too many crutches or ways of avoiding or numbing out but day one, and just knowing that I couldn't flick on some Netflix to keep me company was already giving me withdrawal symptoms! I was feeling cranky and pissed off, I really didn't want to do anything creative, I just wanted to chill out or numb out with mindless TV.
Wow. This task is already so eye opening for me and I haven't completed the whole week! I have come to the realisation that instead of feeding my soul, I would prefer to sit and stare at a TV screen for hours on end until I get so sleepy, I fall asleep on the couch. All to avoid expressing myself through a creative act or to sit with heavy emotions with curiosity or listen to the incessant thoughts milling through my mind and exploring where they come from. This task has left me with these questions; how DO I feed my soul? What is it that brings ease and healing to my life? And why do I avoid the things that are sacred and uplifting for me?
In terms of being creative, a huge part of it boils down to the need to be perfect. Ugh. That old nutshell. I'm sure many people can relate, it's pretty ingrained into us. This need to be perfect all the time had become such a huge part of my identity that I wouldn't even allow myself to jump in and try something new and be ok with being messy or shit or a complete beginner. I mean, how heartbreaking is that? My inner child is just begging me to have fun and play and be silly but this perfectionism has taken over. I discovered a belief that in order to be accepted, I need to be perfect. I mean, what even?! I have even put off publishing this blog, this site because it isn't perfect and you know what? It never will be, because perfection doesn't exist. In fact, I'm eliminating it from my personal vocabulary for the time being to give myself some relief!
The amount of hours I have spent staring mindlessly at a TV screen instead of feeding and nourishing my soul, my inner well is quite unbelievable. Even as I write this, I fought with myself about whether or not I should just chuck on some Netflix and chill or actually do the task that was set for this week and deprive myself of all the vices I would usually use to avoid being creative. Julia says that by filling our time with other people's words, TV bingeing, the radio as a constant chatty companion or social media spirals, "we often cannot hear our own inner voice, the voice of our artist's inspiration, above the static." And she is absolutely spot on! Just allowing myself to sit and listen to a beautiful piece of music, I can hear the whisper of my inner artist, breathing inspiration into my life once more because I'm gifting myself the time and space to listen. And because of this space I offered myself, this article came to life.
Oftentimes, I wait for inspiration to strike. But it doesn't always work like that. We're so conditioned to fill our lives with busy that we leave little or no time to nourish our souls with the gift of silence or creativity. The most important lesson for me is that whatever creative act I am doing, it's ok to be messy!! The sacred feminine is wild and free and that involves being messy, wild is messy! Let yourself jump in! We must create for creation's sake, not for a particular outcome because life is pure creative energy and the more we can channel the energy of creation, the more power we actually hold within our lives. We have the capacity to create worlds! But with the many ways we use to distract ourselves and numb ourselves, we cannot access this incredible creative energy that exists within us all. So our lives become blocked and stagnant. Get that creative energy flowing my loves! Every thing you do in life can be creative; the way you wash your hair, the way you make your tea, the way you dress or prepare your meal. It doesn't need to be a grand act of creativity, but the smallest most mundane act can be brought to life with a fresh twist of creative energy.
I am so incredibly aware of the devices my mind uses to keep me small and limited. It is so important to nourish our souls. To find those moments of sacred acts to honour ourselves. I cannot recommend the Artist's Way enough and to try a week of reading deprivation! The epiphany's that are waiting to spring forth are pure magic! If you do decide to try this, please let me know how you get on or if you need any support as you go along.
Until next time, curious hearts.
Katey
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