In this messy process of reclaiming those parts of myself I've shunned, hidden, suppressed or allowed the clumsiness of others to rob me of, I've asked myself the question: When did I stop allowing myself to dream?
Somewhere in the awkwardness of adolescence and becoming a woman, I decided that turning my back on myself to fit in and gain approval was more important than my dreams. In fact, I've become so out of alignment with myself that I don't even know what my dreams are anymore. Can anyone else relate? The idea that fitting in; folding myself into an origami shape not meant for me was more important than staying true to myself, sincerely breaks my own heart.
Not only is it excruciatingly uncomfortable to contort yourself into a shape that's not you, it's also exhausting. There's a longing that will follow you around, a longing that nags, that tugs at your sleeve to return home, to your full, unique self. A while ago, my friend and I had a conversation about what bird would best represent each other. She chose the flamingo for me. Not only are they tall and ridiculously long legged, they are flamboyant in their colour, proud in their stature and magnificent in their appearance. Flamingos remind us to honour the beauty in nature and in every exquisite detail of life. (Swoon.) They are also a symbol of vibrance because of their outstanding colour. Did you know they are actually born grey? And as they mature they transform into different shades of pink, hot pink and orange. In their natural vibrant state, they remind us to turn up our own radiance, to be our remarkable unique selves and to own all of it, because the world doesn't need perfectly uniformed origami cranes, it needs colour and shapes and textures.
So, in my desperate attempts to stay small and gain approval by disguising myself as a paper crane, I've realised I've wasted so much time and energy on all of the wrong things. Worrying about how other perceive me, worrying about their opinions, worrying about pleasing everyone around me, wanting to say and do the right thing at all times, staying quiet and contained like all good girls are supposed to be. This is an archetype that is starting to shift for me, the Princess archetype, as I transition to my sovereign self, the Queen archetype. Because what I'm learning about the Queen is that she is so grounded in who she is, her boundaries are so strong, she is so tuned in to her own sacredness, that nothing can worry her, nothing can pull her out of alignment.
So as I start to stand a little taller as the flamingo I was born to be and as the Queen archetype starts to reclaim her Queendom within, I'm feeling brave enough to dream once more and secure enough to start trusting myself, little by little. Sometimes it feels like two steps forward and five steps back, but the willingness is there. Because the longing is tugging at my sleeve and she knows there is far more to life than fitting in. May we all allow ourselves to be the origami shape we were meant to be and to dream as boldly as we did when we were cloud gazing with our friends speaking our hopes to the sky.
Until next time,
Katey
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